


No Me Without You

by Zoa



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, Oneshot, Sadness, before the fall of Wall Rose, this is what i do instead of my philosophy homework
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-27
Updated: 2014-09-27
Packaged: 2018-02-19 00:02:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2366855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zoa/pseuds/Zoa





	No Me Without You

Marco and Jean stood together on Wall Rose, looking out over the vast expanse of fields that now no longer belonged to humankind. Sadness and remorse were something both were feeling, an emotion most of their fellow recruits felt every time they looked upon the parts of the world that had been taken from them. Jean, however, tried not to let it get to him. This was reality now, and despite Eren’s insistence, though inspiring, Jean doubted they would ever win the fight against the Titans.

“Is it really so bad?” he said aloud, breaking the minutes long silence that had settled between he and Marco. “Is it really so bad living inside these walls?” He glanced at his friend, his golden-hazel eyes questioning. Marco turned and smiled sadly at Jean.

“I suppose it wouldn’t be,” he replied softly. “If the Titans kept to their own side. But now we have no choice but to go beyond the Walls.”

Jean was silent and looked back out, shifting his weight so that his 3D maneuver gear was settled more comfortably on his hips. He had to concede that Marco was right. “I wonder what bastard made those damn things so angry they had to come and break the Walls down.” He said bitterly, after another brief silence.

Marco shook his head. “I don’t think it was anyone’s fault. They were just biding their time.” He sighed. “Jean...”

Jean frowned and glanced at Marco, whose freckled face had fallen into a look that came close to absolute grief. “What’s wrong?”

“I don’t want to die like that. I don’t want to die at all.”

Jean went cold and shivered involuntarily. “None of us do, Marco. Don’t talk like you’re the only one who wants to live.” He snapped angrily and Marco flinched. He didn’t like it when Marco acknowledged the unspoken truth between them. That one or both of them could die in the most horrible way imaginable.

“I’m sorry... it’s just that I have an awful feeling...” he looked at Jean with those brown eyes that were the only honest things Jean had known in life. Marco had been the only truly kind, honest (sometimes brutally), brave soul he’d ever known. Now he was talking, with that awful sad tone, about dying.

“Shut up. Stop talking shit.” Jean dropped down and sat on the edge of the stone wall, his face hard and his ears absolutely refusing to hear what Marco was saying. He heard his friend sigh and felt him settle down next to him.

“Sorry.” Marco said softly. “Maybe I am a little paranoid.” He laughed humorlessly. “Blame it on my upbringing.”

“That’s not funny,” Jean muttered. “You’re not going to die, I’m not going to die. We’re going to join the Military Police and be protected inside the Walls.”

Silence once more fell between them. Jean receded into his own thoughts that invariably traveled to a life without Marco. It seemed unfathomable. Damn it. Why did Marco always have to be so thoughtful?

“I want you to keep going.”

Jean started and looked at Marco with wide eyes. “Huh?”

“That’s why I brought it up. Dying, I mean. I don’t want you to stop fighting or stop being a leader if I die.” Marco met Jean’s gaze. “It’s important you become the leader I know you’re meant to be.”

Jean swallowed back the lump in his throat that had suddenly risen and blinked furiously. “I told you to shut up.” He mumbled. “What gives you any right to assume you’re just gonna die?” Now he was angry and sat up straight. “What makes you think I’m not going to stop it?”

Marco smiled. “I know you’d try. But I’m also a realist.”

“Sounds like you’re giving up hope. Isn’t that what keeps you going?” Jean snapped. _The way you keep me going?_ He almost added.

Marco shook his head. “I’m not giving up by any means. I truly am hoping I’m wrong. I just wanted to tell _you_ not to give up either, if I do die. I know what you could be Jean. You’ve got so much potential but without constant encouragement, I’m afraid you might not get there.”

“That’s why I need you.” Jean blurted. “You damn idiot.”

Marco looked at Jean in surprise and then laughed, a wonderful, light sound that Jean heard only rarely. “Alright.” He said, still grinning.

“Alright what?” Jean looked at him suspiciously.

“I promise to come back and haunt you to keep you going,” he finished, about to laugh again.

“That’s not funny either.” Jean said stubbornly, but a corner of his mouth twitched up and Marco counted it as a victory. “There’s no me without you, you know,” he added quietly, and Marco sobered immediately.

“I know.”

 

* * *

 

Jean opened his eyes and sat up slowly in his cot. He was back in the barracks in the castle where they were keeping an eye on Eren. A dream then. A dream about his last good day with Marco. He laid back and stared at the ceiling, his jaw clenched as he tried to keep the tears in his eyes from falling.

_You didn’t come back. You promised to come back. First time you ever lied to me and it had to be about that._

He heard the bell ring announcing breakfast and sat up again. Even if Marco hadn’t kept his promise, Jean would keep his. He would keep going, keep moving on and be the person Marco had faith in, but not the person he had been. That boy was long gone now.

_I’m not really me without you._


End file.
